Attack of the Demon Dinosaur
by LightOfTheSecondStar
Summary: A ridiculous story, with a reference to the worst demon ever to... do anything evil whatsoever. Not for the faint of heart. Now complete. Seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Here it is for you faithful readers, a oneshot to satisfy your needs! I noticed I've been put on Author Alert by many people as of late, and I can't let you guys down, now can I? Heheh!

Thanks to you guys that reviewed my last fic, 'Dante Takes a Wrong Turn'. Heheh, honestly didn't know I was that funny... (scratches head with a sweatdrop going down the side)

Anyway, on with the story!

-Ultima

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**Attack of the Demon Dinosaur**

Vergil and Dante were always at odds, no matter what the situation. Their little squabbles never ceased. Over things as little and petty as… whatever could be considered little and petty. And unfortunately, age wasn't much of a factor, except to change what their problems were about.

The twins, in this case, were only 7 years old, and, finding nothing better to do, were playing in a sandbox out in their yard. The brothers were each building their own sandcastle- Vergil's as neat as possible, while Dante's... does it really need mentioning?

Dante looked over at Vergil, pouting. "Hey, how come yours looks so much better than mine?"

Vergil scoffed. "Because I'm better than you at making sandcastles. Not that that's saying very much." He looked at Dante's castle, then at his own. "It doesn't take rocket science to do this, but you've _always_ lacked even basic intelligence."

Dante's brows furrowed in frustration. "You take that back!"

"Why should I? It's true! Look—" Vergil pointed to his castle, "I even built a moat around my castle, and yours..." he pointed to Dante's, "Yours looks like a giant mound of sand! It's exactly what you _started with_ a good hour ago."

Dante looked a little downcast at that remark, but then cheered right back up.

"It just takes some practice! Besides, it's the thought that counts, and I can do anything if I put my mind to it- right Barney?"

Of course, he was referring to a Barney plush toy that was lying on the sand next to him.

Vergil gave the toy a look of utter repulsion. "Ugh, I still can't believe you carry that toy around. You're too old for that. _We're_ too old for it!"

Dante gasped, then asked, "Hey, what's wrong with having Barney around!?" He didn't understand why Vergil had something against an adorable giant purple dinosaur. The kids in the show didn't see anything wrong with it, but then again, Vergil always finds something wrong in everything. Dante's habits for one, and behavior for another.

Vergil sighed and went back to working on his makeshift moat, trying to perfect it. "Oh, nothing... just that he's _not real_, and the show is completely stupid-- you'd have to be brainwashed to like it, and the children in that show look like they're older than us. WAY older."

Dante opens his mouth to say something, but then decided against it. Any arguing with Vergil would prove completely useless. He got up and brushed the sand off his pants. "You know what, I really gotta go use the bathroom."

Vergil looked up. "Hm?"

"I'll be back later. And don't touch my castle!" With that, Dante ran off to the house.

Vergil just stared on, following his brother with his eyes, then shrugged his shoulders and went back to focusing on his little fortress. "Hm. Don't touch his sandcastle, he says. As if I want to anyway. What am I gonna do, feed his castle to mine? Hah!"

He paused, and looked around almost as if he were expecting someone to listen. His eyes went over the Barney plushie lying in the sand. At first he looked away, sneaking a few glances at it, then decided, 'To Hell with it', and picked it up.

Thinking out loud, he mused, "Just what is Dante's fascination with this toy anyway? He probably doesn't want to throw it away, as old and worn as it is. He really needs to grow up. This toy is nothing but a nuisance…." He turned the worn toy around in his hands, adding, "…Maybe _I_ should throw it away."

He stopped, and mulled over that for a while. "That would be a pretty good idea... better to do it before he gets back. What to do when he does?" he looked up at the sky like the answer was going to drop from the clouds. "I'll just…" he trailed off, needing to go into further thought. "I'll just… tell him it got up and walked away! Ha, that's perfect!"

On the contrary, that was the worst plan he'd ever come up with, if he'd masterminded any plans beforehand. But then again, he was 7. Did he _need_ to come up with any evil plots? That question doesn't need to be answered now, for Vergil was just about to carry out his dastardly plot of Dolly DOOM, when suddenly—

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!"

Vergil jumped a foot in the air. "Waah!" he cried, dropping Barney. He took a few steps back, looking around warily. "What was that?" he looked to his left, then right, and, finding no one near him who could've said anything or attempted to scare him, he turned back to the toy. He turned his head away slightly, looking at the plushie from the corner of his eye. Was it….?

Vergil shook his head, as if clearing his mind of the idea. "It can't be. I must have been hearing things, there's no way this toy could talk. Plushies don't talk, that'd just be absurd." He reached for Barney again, but then—

"Life is about love, friendship... and I WILL FEAST ON YOUR SOUL!! FEAR ME!!"

Vergil's eyes went from narrowed in determination to wide in shock and horror. "HOLY GOOD GOD!! THIS PLUSHIE SPEAKS OF LOVE AND WANTS TO EAT MY SOUL!!" he wailed. He stared in shock at the now-found-to-be-evil Barney plushie, too scared to even make an effort to run away.

He now knew fear in the form of purple cotton-stuffed evil, and whatever demon this was, it wasn't going to let him run away quite easily. He feared if he did so much as flinch, he might as well just have said goodbye to everything.

The silence— save for Vergil's gasps for air (he found it hard to breathe)— dragged out to near eternity, until the ever-so-carefree younger twin he called his brother showed up from what looked like nowhere. Arms up and hands behind his head, he just sauntered into the scene with a wide grin on his features.

With a devil-may-care attitude about him, he gave a sigh of relief. "Ahh, much better! Sorry I took so long, Verge! I thought I heard screaming, but— …..Vergil?" Dante walked circles around his brother, who was still frozen in shock. "Veeeergil?" He shook a hand in front of his brother's face. "You okay? You're not moving..."

Vergil replied, his voice is shaking, along with the rest of him now, "It's... It's evil..." then without warning, he suddenly fainted. Dante just stood there, dumbfounded. "What?" he looked at Vergil who was laying on the ground unconscious, then at his Barney toy. "What, is it Barney?" he looked at toy, which was lying harmlessly on the ground. He raised an eyebrow at it, half-expecting it to move and prove his unconscious brother right. It didn't budge. He looked back at Vergil and said matter-of-factly, "It can't be him, he's completely harmless!"

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A/N: Cause we all know Barney's an evil sunuvabitch! Poor Vergil, though, being his first victim... he knew too much!

Now, to continue or not to continue, it's so hard to choose... (tilts head towards the review button slightly)


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so it isn't a oneshot anymore! x3 I've decided to continue it, if only to torture poor Vergil! (comforts little Vergil)

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**Second Appearance of the Demon Dinosaur**

The twins sat on the rug in front of the television, bored out of their minds. _Click, click… Click… click… _Dante kept changing the channel every other second with the remote control.

"There's nothing good to watch," he muttered. He kept pressing the Channel button, aimlessly searching for something to interest him.

"That's only because you never wait to see what's on." Vergil crossed his arms. "Hey, wait— you just skipped over the History channel!"

"So? Why would I wanna know about history? I could've just asked Dad, he's been here long enough!" Now Dante was just pressing random numbers, hoping for some random show to come out of the blue and save him from boredom.

A vein started to throb on Vergil's temple. "Dante, if you're not going to stick with a channel, then give ME the remote! At least look at something for more than one second!"

Dante stuck his tongue out at Vergil. "Fine!" he stopped at channel 5. Conveniently for him, it was a short infomercial on some mountain bicycle. "See? Just a commercial!"

Vergil hissed, "Wait til the commercial _ends,_ you—" he stopped, about to call Dante some random expletive he'd learned from watching the 'naughty channels', which were the channels Eva specifically forbade them from watching. Channels 25 and up, basically. Unfortunately for Dante, Comedy Central and the likes were also forbidden. But that's really not the point.

Dante sighed. "Okay, okay, I'll wait."

They both stared at the screen, watching the infomercial play out. Vergil swore he could feel his IQ dropping from just sitting in front of the screen, but hey, he was learning about a mountain bicycle with over 15 gears that could switch itself for going up steep hills, to level ground! It was the friend of every bicycle rider imaginable!

Dante sat there gawking at the screen for ages before he piped up, "I'm thirsty. I need to go get something to drink."

Vergil just nodded absentmindedly as Dante handed him the remote.

And he just sat there.

Staring.

At the television screen.

"ah, screw this!" Vergil pressed the Channel Down button all the way to 2. Hey, what was this? A little children's show? He tilted his head to the right, then left. Oh, no… the children were _older_ than he was… which could only mean…

His jaw dropped when the demon made it's appearance, growing to more than twice its size. Those children were in danger, but they didn't know it! They were hopping up and down, and laughing and cheering, thinking their innocent little Barney toy was really teaching them something about the alphabet and manners and the like!

Dante was pouring some soda into a cup when he heard Vergil scream. He jumped a foot in the air, spilling soda right off the counter. He put the bottle of Coke aside and completely forgetting the drinks, he ran back into the living room to see what the fuss was about.

All he found was Vergil and the television. The children were laughing, "Ha ha ha ha!" and Vergil was just standing in front of the television screaming, "RUN!! GO!! Get out of there!!"

Dante just looked at him like he was crazy. "Verge, what's going on?"

Vergil spun around to look at him, and the look he gave disturbed Dante. It was almost as if his brother wasn't all there.

"Those imbeciles! They're in danger, don't they know? That thing will eat their souls! It's the most vile creature!" He yelled, his eyes watering.

"Ummm… Verge, Barney isn't real, you know? Just like you said?" Dante grabbed Vergil by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "He's not real. He's completely fake, remember?"

Vergil just stared blankly at him. The corners of his mouth turned upwards in a smile, and he grabbed Dante's shoulders just as he'd done, and whispered, "He's got you too."

"Got me too? What? Verge, what's wrong with you!?"

"Don't you see!? The biggest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist, and just like that he was gone!" He shook Dante back and forth like that was going to help get his point across.

"I really think you need help," Dante managed to say.

Vergil let go of him and turned right back around to the television. "You don't believe me, no one does! Who else can help me?" he dug his fingers into his hair, he looked like he was just going to tear it out of his scalp. "You don't realize the danger you're in! You'll just be destroyed!!" he ran upstairs to his room, sobbing.

Dante just stood there, watching as his brother ran off to what he thought was safety. He scratched his head. _What the hell?_

Vergil slammed the door shut as soon as he made it to his room. The farther he got away from the television screen, and the sooner he did, the better. He dove under his bed, hoping the shadows would keep him safe.

Evil demon, trying to steal children's innocence in the guise of a harmless TV show! Of all the demons his father was said to have sealed in the Underworld, just how did he miss this one!?

No use thinking about it now… "He's not here anymore," Vergil said to himself, "and… and… Mother won't believe me, and Dante already doesn't! It's hopeless…"

He heard a laugh, coming from… behind him! He quickly crawled his way until he turned fully around. Right there, under Dante's bed, there it was. Laughing, mocking him… The plushie lay there, staring at him with its cold and lifeless eyes…

"You're right, no one can save you now! Your soul is MINE!! Mwahahahahaha!!"

Vergil started shaking. No one… he was alone, and no one could save him…no one _would_ save him… _No! That's not what I should think!_ Vergil shut his eyes. "You're wrong, you're wrong!" he said aloud. "My soul isn't yours for the taking, and I'll stop you before you can hurt anyone else! I'll—" he paused, trying to hold back tears. What _was_ he going to do?

"Hehehehehe… you've got spirit. It'll make my victory that much sweeter when I consume your soul and make you my _puppet!" _Barney went into a bout of maniacal laughter, and whatever semblance of confidence Vergil had in him disappeared faster than… anything that can disappear fast.

Then it stopped, and Barney didn't say a word. Vergil heard the door creak open, and he turned back around to see a pair of feet standing in front of the bed.

"Vergil?" Dante got down on his knees and bowed his head to look under the bed. There his brother was, lying under it like any scared little child, with tears in his eyes that refused to come down.

"Dante…" he whispered.

"Verge? What happened?"

"The doll… it came alive again… it's coming for me, I know it is…"

"Still with that? The doll can't come to life, Verge! You told me that yourself!"

"Things change, Dante! The doll IS alive, can't you believe me!?"

Dante shook his head slowly. "C'mon, what's the chance some purple dino doll that teaches over-aged kids how to say their A-B-Cs can just show up out of the blue and eat souls?"

Vergil didn't say a word in response. What was he going to say to that? The most that could happen was that the conversation could continue going 'It's alive!' 'No it isn't!' 'Yes it is!' 'No it isn't!' and back and forth until someone gave up.

He just started laughing, then. An uncertain laugh, one to reassure himself he wasn't going crazy. Or maybe one to convince himself that maybe his brother was right, and he just had a random moment of insanity. It would come to pass soon.

"I think… I think you're right, Dante. I… uh… don't know what I was thinking…" Vergil crawled out from under the bed and got up. He shook himself off, plucking random dust bunnies from his shirt. Dante laughed, and fixed Vergil's hair up as best he could. "You look horrible, Verge."

Vergil laughed with him. "Yeah, I know."

"C'mon, let's go downstairs!" Dante ran out of the room and down the hall, leaving Vergil to himself.

The young half-demon turned around to look at the room. "I know I'm not crazy, I just know it."

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A/N: Aww, now I'm starting to feel sorry for Vergil. Thinking you're the only sane person on the planet must suck epically.

Review, or else Barney will eat your soul! And you don't want your soul eaten by a purple dinosaur, do you? (points to Review button) So, go on. You know you want to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Things that go Bump in the Night**

Vergil's eyes shot open to a faint _'thump' _sound. "Mm?" He sat up on his bed and rubbed at his eyes. "Dante?" he called out, "that you?" He blinked a few times, a little surprised that his eyes had to get used to the darkness. He'd expected it to be morning already.

_Thump! _

Vergil woke up fully with a start. _What was that noise?_ He looked to his left at the bed next to his, and found a person-sized lump laying there, covered from head to toe in the bed sheets. "Dante?" Vergil repeated. No response. Vergil reached out to his brother's bed and shook him a little. "Not awake, are you?"

_Thump! _

Vergil looked around again. _No, seriously,_ he thought, _that noise needs to stop._ He kicked his feet off the bed, and stood up. But as he got to his feet, he was suddenly stricken with a wave of nausea. His vision was swimming and he felt dizzy. So hard to keep balance! Uneasy, he tried to right himself by leaning on the headboard. "What… What was that?" Vergil mumbled under his breath.

_Thump!_

Not trusting himself enough to let go, he reached again for Dante and shook him again. "Come on, wake up, there's no way you could be sleeping through this..." Still no response. Vergil felt another wave, but not of nausea. His face flushed with anger. "Dante, seriously!" He grabbed the covers and yanked them away.

The sight before him made his stomach heave. He held his breath.

Dante lay there, staring at the ceiling. Rigid as a board, arms to his sides, his skin was a pale green and his fingers were twisted as if he was clutching at something that wasn't there. He looked dead of fright. His mouth was open in a scream, and his eyes were glazed over, like a dead man.

Like he had been dead for hours.

Vergil didn't believe his own eyes. "Wha—Dante—what—?" he stammered. He stared at the corpse before him. How could he have slept through his brother dying right next to him!? "This—this doesn't make any sense!" he cried, and ran towards the door. He nearly ran _into _the door, he was so panicked, but he made it. He slammed the door open and stepped out into the hall.

Once again, the nausea crept up, making Vergil's stomach do a flip and the hallway start to spin. He steadied himself on the wall. He shut his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. He looked down the hallway. "M-Mom…? Mother…?" he called out. Holding onto the wall like his life depended on it—which wasn't far off, because his balance certainly did—he made his way farther down, to his mother's room. The door was open. Vergil held in his breath again, leaning over slightly to peer in rather than just going ahead. "Mom?" he called out, wanting to make sure.

"Yes? What's wrong, dear?" Eva was standing in front of her full-length mirror, her back turned to him. "Did something happen?"

Vergil gulped. "Mother, Dante's—" _Dante is dead and I slept right through it and I need your help because I don't know what's going on!_ "…There's… there's something wrong… with Dante," he said shakily.

"Oh? Is he sick?" Eva was brushing her hair absentmindedly.

"No, he's—" _No, he's dead and I can't figure out how! Help me!_ "…Yeah, he's sick. Maybe you could… help?"

"Oh…. I'm so sorry, dear…"

Vergil blinked. "Sorry? Mom, what's going on?"

"I'm so sorry…" Eva repeated. Then she bowed her head, and her shoulders were shaking. "I'm sorry, Vergil… I'm so sorry…" she dropped her brush and covered her face in her hands, sobbing.

Vergil's heart skipped a beat. "Mom— what happened!?" he cried. _No way…_ "Dante's— He's—"

"Dante is dead, Vergil!" Eva cut him off. "He's dead and gone… just like you'll be…" she intoned in a low voice.

Vergil's breath caught in his throat. It's like he woke up to a horror movie, a horrible nightmare he couldn't wake from when he realized it. "Mother…" he whispered, and the thought flashed through his mind that he had to run away, run away far and fast before he became the next victim—but what happened next completely caught him off guard.

Eva turned around to face him, and he nearly screamed at the sight. Whatever bit of skin she had left was tinged a sickening pale green, and her pure-white nightgown was stained red with blood. Her face was twisted into an expression of excruciating pain, and her eyes were rolled back into her sockets.

Blood spewed out of her mouth, further staining the once-lovely gown. "Just like… you'll be…" The thing that used to be Eva repeated, and slowly took a step towards Vergil. The voice in his head screamed at him to run, and he had no trouble following that order. He bolted down the hall, but then— Vergil swore loudly. Where the end of the hallway was supposed to be was just shrouded in ink-black darkness. He could hardly see two feet into the stuff.

How was he supposed to run away if there was no place to go!?

_Damnit! _He thought. _There's no place to go to, I can't get out! _

To make things worse, the darkness had a corporeal form, apparently. Its tendrils crept along the walls, covering more of the hallway than Vergil would have liked. He took a step back, then two steps. Knowing that he was more-likely-than-not going to back right into the animated cadaver of his mother, maybe even his brother if fate had it in for him, he turned around to see if either of the two were there. They were present, but lying on the floor, neither one moving, identical looks of "Oh-My-God-I'm-Dead" on their faces.

But something else farther down that end of the hallway caught his eye. Something he couldn't see was shifting around. He squinted his eyes to focus his sight on whatever it was. The unknown creature came out into the light—or at least, what could count as light in the abysmal near-darkness of Vergil's piece of the hall.

It was purple, fuzzy, green-bellied and yellow-toed, a total mockery of a Tyrannosaurus-Rex…

Vergil gave an 'OMG-WTF!' gasp.

It was _Barney._

And if at any point up until now, you were reading this and wondered if I updated this story with the wrong chapter off something else I might have been working on, shame on you.

No, really, shame on you.

Seriously, though, back to the story.

Vergil gave an 'OMG-WTF!' gasp. "YOU!" he pointed at the dinosaur. "You did this! You—" Vergil stopped, and blanked out for a moment. "Er… what _did_ you do?" he asked, scratching the side of his face.

Barney just looked nonplussed. Never in anyone's wildest dreams did he think a victim who 'knew too much' would ask him, 'What did you do?'

"I… uh… ate their souls?"

Vergil stared on.

Barney stared back. "Don't tell me I got the wrong one…"

Then Vergil screamed. Like he'd JUST remembered what was going on.

"Aaaaahhhh!! That's right! You—you ate their souls, that's why—" he paused to stifle a sob, "that's why they're like that…"

"Yes, it's true! I took their souls, and YOU'RE next! Mwahahaha!!" the dinosaur threw its head back and went into a bout of maniacal laughter, and he laughed that way for a couple of minutes when he noticed something was off. He looked around and noticed Vergil was nowhere to be found. "Oh, what the crap!"

Vergil was trying to make his way through the darkness that a few moments ago was blotting out his means of escape from the hall. If he just remembered what the rest of his place looked like—his foot snagged on something and he found himself losing his footing. He toppled over forwards and landed on his face. "Oww…" he got up and dusted himself off, turning around to look at the space he'd left. Yup, giant void of darkness, tentacles lashing out at him… and here he was, standing at the top of the stairs leading down to the common room. "Wow, it's not as bad as I thought."

"Oh no, human, it's **MUCH WORSE!!**"

"Oh shit!" Vergil jumped up, startled. For a moment he forgot he was supposed to be on the run from a monster, and not dilly-dallying about some weird and very pointless infestation on the top floor. He practically dove down the flight of steps and landed perfectly at the bottom. His eyes darted around. He needed to find a weapon, fast. He made a mad dash for the kitchen and once there, opened the drawers. What to do, what to do…

"**Mwahahahahahaha!!**" Barney lumbered slowly towards Vergil— but he stopped, noticing his victim wasn't going to take flight anymore. "What's wrong? Too scared to move?" he growled menacingly. How pleasing, to know that his victim realized it was hopeless to escape.

"Actually," Vergil said calmly, to Barney's surprise, "I'm not the one who should be running."

One could swear a question mark showed up on Barney's head. "??"

Vergil turned around, and he had an evil smirk on his face. In his hand, he held a butcher knife with steady grip. He was neither shaking nor scared. "Today's the day that you DIE!" he declared, and charged at the hapless evil dinosaur. He slammed the knife into Barney's gut, wrenched it in then out, the dinosaur doll's cotton spewing out like blood. Vergil repeated the motion with even greater ferocity, stabbing every part of the demon like his life depended on it. "This is for mom—and Dante—and for RUINING MY LIFE!! _DIE,_ YOU BLASTED PURPLE DINOSAUR FROM HELL!!" he screamed, slashing and stabbing away until the demon was just a pile of cotton remains and other things.

He stopped then, gasping a breath, knife still in hand. There was little left. He looked at the pile, saddened. Is that what it took to take down a monster? The souls of his brother and mother? He held back a sob. Letting the knife fall and clatter to the floor, he made his way back to the foot of the stairs. He looked to the top sadly, the dark whatever-it-was-with-tentacles making its way down the stairs. There was really nothing to be scared of, he'd made it past that on what was the worst moment in his life. But in order not to scare off the visitors for the coming morning, he supposed he'd have to call an exorcist or the like to get rid of it.

Just as he was going to take a step—

"Don't think you have gotten rid of me that easily!"

Vergil stopped right in his tracks. His face paled. _No friggin' way…_ "You should be dead," he said aloud. There was no way that thing was still alive for another round. He turned around to find Barney reforming himself out of the pieces that were left behind.

Vergil grimaced. What did it take to kill this thing!? _Only one more thing, maybe just one more_—he sprinted back up the steps and through the darkness, the dead bodies were gone now—he kicked down the door to the only other room that could help him.

The weapons room.

Usually the door was locked, but for some reason, as if fate knew of his plight against the demon dinosaur, it had been easy to break through. Quickly, he snatched up a western-style shotgun from the wall opposite him and pointed it back at the open space leading to the hallway. _I'll just wait, and when he shows up he'll NEVER know what hit him! _Vergil thought, knowing that the weapons stored in the room were specifically for taking out creatures like Barney.

He waited. _Anytime now… _there it was!

Vergil pulled the trigger and blasted the purple dinosaur's head clean off. "Haha!! Mess with me now!!" he circled the decapitated dinosaur, shooting its legs out from under it, then its arms. Through its gut, and a few more times at what was left. But then there was nothing left to shoot, so he ceased fire, and took the time to examine the shotgun. _Sweet… I could use this later on if I wanted to…_ he thought to himself with a smirk. He wanted to laugh, then, even in knowing he was the only one left of the family—it caused him a great deal of relief in being the one to avenge his twin and mother. He wanted to laugh, then.

"Haha… ahahahahaha!!"

Vergil's blood ran cold in his veins. Of course he'd wanted to laugh, but… that wasn't him. He wasn't the one laughing right then. He looked at the pile of _practically nothing_ on the floor before him. How was it possible!? Even after being stabbed and shot, it was still—

"What is the matter? Your weapons are no match for me, HUMAN!!"

Vergil gasped, and stumbled backwards. Barney reformed himself yet again. The mechanics of it were mind-boggling, how something appeared from nothing the way he did! Vergil stared on, speechless. Stabbing didn't work, shooting it didn't work, and the swords—he turned to look at them and found empty space. _Where were they? Something, something, anything_—his eyes darted back and forth. Where were the rest of the weapons!? Fate was having a good laugh with the others somewhere up above, jeering at Vergil's misfortune. The gods had smiled down on him, only given him that once chance, that _illusion_ of victory, simply for their own vain amusement.

Vergil was grabbed a hold of by the wrists. It would be over soon, he knew it now, there would be no more fighting, no more escape—he shut his eyes, and even against his will, he screamed.

And woke himself up.

He sat upright on his bed with a start, waking up in a cold sweat, panting and gasping for air. His hands shot up to his face, wiping away the rivulets of tears that were going down. He then looked himself over. No wounds? No injuries? No forceful removal of his soul? He instinctively looked at Dante's bed next to his, and it was empty. Vergil's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. _Oh God, no, Dante—_ he got up from his bed, ran right out of the room—

And crashed right into his brother, who'd just came back on a trip to the bathroom.

Dante fell over and landed on his bottom. "Geez, Vergil, one minute I hear you screaming your head off, and the next—watch where you're going next time!" he grumbled.

Vergil just stared at him. "You're… alive."

Dante looked up from his makeshift seat. "I was dead? Since when?"

"Since—" _Since I had that weird dream that you and mom were dead and Barney showed up and I stabbed him and shot him and nothing worked and I was gonna die! _"….Oh, never mind. I.. I just had this weird dream…"

"You had a dream where I died." Dante made it sound like more of a statement than a question.

"…Uh huh."

"I just gotta ask, but I'm afraid of the answer here… was it Barney?"

Vergil bit his lip. He didn't want to necessarily admit that nightmares of a purple dinosaur were plaguing him at night, but then again… "Yes, it was?" It sounded like more of a question than a statement.

Dante just nodded half-heartedly.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"No, I think… maybe you should go sleep with Mom or something."

Now that was adding an insult to injury to Vergil's pride. "There's no way," he hissed, "that I'll go sleep in her room over that… it wasn't a big deal at all! I can handle myself just fine!" Part of that was a lie.

Dante got up from the floor and made it a habit to brush himself off. "Not a big deal huh? Then you wouldn'ta made a fuss about it a minute ago." He craned his neck back, adding, "I really think you need help."

Vergil gave Dante a look like he'd just called their mother a skank. "Help— help—is that what you think?" he sputtered. "That I'm some—some nutjob who needs to get sent to the crazy home?"

Dante turned his head away, and his reply was rather nonchalant. "Not what I said, but hey, if you think so, then…"

Vergil gritted his teeth in order to express his frustration in a non-violent manner. "Maybe... you should… go back to sleep now…" he said in a low voice.

Dante looked back at him and noticed the look he had on his face. "What, you're not coming?"

"No, I think I'd rather stay right here."

Dante shrugged, "Right, okay." He slipped right past Vergil and into their room, closing the door on his way in.

Vergil stood by himself in the empty hallway, trying to fight back more tears. _What I need… isn't help…_ _what I need is power… _he held his right hand in front of him, and clenched it into a fist, swearing upon Sparda that he would attain power, no matter what the cost, to protect his family from Barney.

* * *

Dante reached a hand under his bed and grabbed the Barney plushie, yanking it out from its 'hiding place'. He held it close and whispered almost to himself, "Poor Vergil, he thinks you're alive or something, that you're gonna eat his soul." He held the plushie at arm's length, looking it right in the eyes. He glared, and it stared, then he smirked. "You did good. Or maybe, I did good?" Arms no longer outstretched, he dug a hand into the plushie's back and pulled out… a walkie talkie! (dun dun duuuunnnnnn!) He snickered. "Didn't wanna scare him too bad, but he got what was coming to him. Insulting you like that."

He heard a creaking noise and hurriedly stuffed the plush toy again and tossed it back under his bed. He jumped onto the top and pulled the covers over his head before Vergil actually opened the door.

Vergil toddled to his bed, uneasy with sleep and mumbling something under his breath, but Dante didn't catch what it was. The younger twin nearly let out a sigh of relief; if Vergil had opened the door any quicker, he would've been caught right in the act.

He heard a shuffle, then a rustle of sheets. "Verge, that you?" he asked in a soft voice, feigning sleep.

"...Yeah."

"…Kay then, good night."

"…Uh huh, you too." Vergil pulled the covers up to his head and closed his eyes.

Dante thought Vergil was asleep, and let slip a giggle. Vergil caught it, but dismissed it as something in his little brother's sleep he might have found funny.

* * *

A/N: Oh man, this chapter was just full of tricks, huh? Especially the OMGWTF Twist at the end! Just in time for April Fool's Day too! Hehehe!

Dante's so evil, ever the prankster!

Remember to review, please!


	4. Chapter 4

I read the reviews, and is it me, or did you guys really think the story was over? Best April Fool's joke I didn't intend on pulling, seriously!

But yeah, this right here is THE final chapter. For real! A warning for those who will read-- the ending was made to make as little sense as possible. Don't even think about how it fits.

-Ultima

* * *

**Return of the Demon Dinosaur**

_Fast forward a decade or so..._

Vergil by now had gotten the sense beaten out of him (then into him) by Dante while on his pursuit of power for reasons now known— but still unknown by Dante himself, who thought his dear brother was just crazy in the head. Against his will, Vergil had been dragged off by his younger twin to live with him in his office-home. Although not as much against his will as he'd like to think he was. He had a hard time admitting that he somewhat missed having someplace to call a home after ten or so years of being on the run from demons, one of which he didn't doubt was Barney. But he didn't like to think of that.

He was taken in, and a few months and days made him realize that after such a long time— and despite so much of his life looking like it had changed—nothing really _had_ changed. Like Dante's habits.

And on this day in particular, Vergil looked into Dante's room with disdain. He shook his head in disappointment and muttered, "Trust Dante not to clean his own room. He leaves it such a mess!"

He took a step in and walked— more like waded— around Dante's room, kicking away dirty laundry, beer bottles and cans, and the like.

"My brother hunts down demons for a living, yet can't even keep his own room tidy. Everything's on the floor, and—" He opened the door to Dante's closet, and random stuff poured out and pooled at his feet. At least the mess didn't bury him, like in cartoons. His gaze went from the floor and random knick-knacks, slowly up to the rest of the closet. "Figures. Maybe I should start here."

Vergil reached in and pulled out an old box full of who-knows-what. He started sifting through it, when he found a hint of something... "Purple?" He buried his hand into the box and pulled the object out. It happened to be a stuffed plushie. He tilted his head in confusion. "??"

As Vergil took a closer look, a voice from his past resurfaced, just as he thought he'd buried that forever...

'_Mwahahaha!! Your soul is MINE!!__' _

Vergil's eyes widened for a moment, then he glared at the Barney plushie.

"Now I remember..." his voice carried the hint of a sneer, "to think that Dante could carry this little demented thing around, and even after all that happened, he still carries it..."

Vergil was slowly crushing the plushie in his hands as he spoke, but he stopped as he felt something odd. Something that shouldn't have been there. "Hm?" He turned Barney around and discovered something lodged in it. He pulled whatever it was out and examined it for a few seconds.

"A… walkie-talkie? This doesn't belong here... why would Dante— "

Vergil stopped then, and his eyes widened. A walkie-talkie?

It suddenly made sense. Recalling every moment where the demon had suddenly come to life and scared him, possibly _scarred_ him, he noted… _Dante was never around_, but then he would come and the toy would fall silent, not even breathing an edge of a word or threat.

Dante would come, defending his plushie as any oblivious boy would at his age, but with so much enthusiasm… how else could he not have known? The truth was that he did! A Manipulator, he had taken Vergil and made _him_ the toy …

Vergil gripped the walkie-talkie now, the plastic splintering into pieces and some was digging into his glove.

"The toy couldn't talk on its own…" He said aloud to himself, his eye starting to twitch.

Not even paying mind to how he presented himself then, he threw his head back, and yelled to the deaf sky, at the top of his lungs, "DANTE, YOU SON OF A-"

-

Dante walked into his room, just having gotten back from a mission he'd been called for. He almost regretted accepting the job, even if the guy on the other end had the right password. Killing a bunch of Blades had never been so tedious and boring.

He sighed and mumbled, "Note to self: Get a redder coat," pulled his coat off and slung it over his shoulder, a bloodstain partially evident on his not-all-that-red coat. He looked all around the room at all the things that had been moved around, at the mess on the floor that poured out from his closet. He sucked his teeth in a pouting fashion.

"Nice to know _someone's_ been here. But if they were gonna clean up, they could've at least finished the job..." he shrugged it off. "Well, if it's all the same to me, which it is..."

Dante turned around, making a mental note to clean up later, only to find Yamato pointed at his throat and Vergil staring at him dead in the eyes, seething with rage. Dante instinctively stepped back, hands up in would-be mock surrender, wondering what the hell it was Vergil was pissed at him about.

"Hello, Dante." Vergil's voice came out not as the cool calm tenor he usually had, but lower, more stern and threatening. Like Dante himself in a bad mood. He pressed the Yamato again to his brother's throat. "You've got some nerve, don't you?"

Dante's mouth formed an 'O'. "Huh? What are you talking abou—"

"Don't play any games with me!" Vergil roared. His left eye was twitching venomously, and the thought flashed through Dante's mind that he wasn't in the position to ask questions, lest his brother snap.

"You've some nerve," he repeated, "using that walkie-talkie to make it look like the toy could speak on its own. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that was!?"

Dante just stared at him for a few minutes, when he caught hint of what it was Vergil was referring to. "Uh... yeah, about that..." A sweatdrop ran down the side of his head. "Listen, Verge, I was only funnin', it was just a joke... and it happened a really long time ago, so--"

"SHOVE IT, you lying sack of crap!!" Vergil cried out. "After all that you've done, I should just kill you right where you stand!! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just do it right now!!"

Dante shut his eyes, maybe he could come up with a good enough reason to at least justify his actions before Vergil sliced him up into ribbons. Maybe… he was just about to say something, when

"Because.."

Dante's breath caught in his throat. Vergil's expression changed to one of confusion as they both looked around for the source of the voice, then turned to the Barney plushie lying on the ground. It was the only other thing there, right?

Barney just laid there on its side, dead, inanimate, eyes staring into the far wall near where the brothers stood. Inanimate, but with a voice.

"Brothers shouldn't fight, they should be friends!"

Vergil's brows furrowed. _Just how…?_ He nearly gave into the thought that the plushie was speaking of its own will, when he remembered just who he was in the presence of. He went back to his cool, calm self as he thought, _Sorry, Dante, but the same trick won't work twice._ "Oh, still with your little games? You can save your little ventriloquism act for later, if you even live that long." He looked at Dante from the corner of his eyes, but Dante wasn't looking back at him like he'd half-expected. Instead, he was staring at the toy, his face an expression of… fear?

"Verge… It's not me… Seriously, it isn't… I swear…" Dante's voice was something below normal speaking level, he wasn't his loud boisterous self. "I wouldn't do this…"

Vergil scoffed. How like his brother, to lie even in the face of the truth. He was only playing. "Oh really?" he turned back to Barney, which was still lying on the ground. "Brothers should be friends, you say? What if we're not?"

The demonic toy shook a little, then got up to its feet with a start. "Brothers as enemies? That's just a shame now, isn't it?" Its head spun a full 360 degrees as it raised a foot up, then put it down, taking slow deliberate steps towards the twins. "I guess **I'LL EAT BOTH OF YOUR SOULS!!**"

Without warning, Barney suddenly grew to an awesome size, towering over Dante and Vergil.

"**YAAAHH BITCH YAAHH!**" it roared.

Vergil's jaw dropped and Dante yelled, "HOLY SHIT THIS THING REALLY **IS** ALIVE!! RUN AWAY!!"

Conveniently _forgetting_ that he hunted things like this for a living, Dante turned tail and bolted out of his room while Vergil just stood there, frozen in shock and horror. The now _giant_ evil plushie started lumbering towards him, ever-so-slowly and… er… evilly. Still, Vergil didn't move, gawking at Barney as it got closer.

Even though he was very, very scared (and the voice in his head was telling him so because it REALLY hadn't seen this coming), he tried to convince himself otherwise.

"I'm not… afraid... I'm not… afraid..."

Dante came back and grabbed Vergil by the chain of his amulet. "QUIT STANDING THERE AND HAUL YOUR ASS!" Yanking the chain and Vergil with it, he ran as fast out of the room as time would allow, down the hall then descending the steps more than two at a time.

But because the madness never ends, the situation occurred. The worst possible one, in the worst possible moment.

He tripped.

Tumbled down the rest of the way, and took poor Vergil down with him. But as entertaining as the notion is that the twins went down like a pair of half-demon slinkies, being chased by a demon dinosaur is NOT funny in the least.

They stopped right at the landing, an awkward pile of limbs and their respective color coats. Vergil mumbled something incoherently, only half conscious, while Dante came to with a start. He fixed them both, jumping to his feet, and continued his escape.

Just then, Lady walked into the office and Dante ran right past her, and yes, he was _still_ dragging Vergil by the chain.

Lady had a 'WTF?' look on her face, and she turned around. "Dante?"

Dante skidded to a halt, and turned around. "Lady!? Man, am I glad you showed up! I just—" he stopped, feeling a faint tapping on his leg. He looked down to find Vergil lying on the floor, his face turned blue from lack of air (Dante was accidentally choking him). "Oops! Sorry!" Dante apologized sadly.

Lady tilted her head to the right. "Dante, just what is going on?"

Dante looked up at her, suddenly remembering the urgency of the situation. He grabbed her shoulders. "There's no time to talk, we have to run away!"

"From what, exactly?"

Vergil got up, gasping. He took a moment to catch his breath, and answered her question as best he could. "From... Barney!"

Lady leaned back slightly. She didn't believe what she was hearing. Removing Dante's hands from her shoulders, she just said, "_What?_"

Dante waved his hands around in the air. "Well, yeah, we're running away from this huge-ass Barney plushie, like yay-high! It's EVIL, man!"

"It's evil, and it wants to eat our souls!" Vergil added.

Lady looked at them both and shook her head in disappointment and disbelief. "Listen, Dante, I always knew you were on some _serious_ drugs, but _you too_, Vergil?"

Vergil looked offended. How dare she not believe him! "We're being serious!"

Lady smacked herself in the forehead. "Look, there is NO WAY a dinosaur from kid's shows could _possibly_ be trying to eat your souls."

**"OH REALLY, HUMAN?"**

Barney crashed through the wall, just to prove a point.

"**THEN I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL TOO!!**"

Lady's eyes went to the size of saucers. "HOLY SHIT THAT'S _BARNEY!?_"

Dante and Vergil answered in unison, and in the whiniest 'We-Told-You-So' voices, "We TOLD you he was evil!"

The three huddled together, and as Barney came closer to them, they backed right into a wall. Into a corner, to be more exact.

As Lady was being cornered, she wailed, "Waaah! We really ARE going to get eaten by a demon dinosaur that teaches 13-year-olds A-B-Cs!"

As Vergil was being cornered, he started to cry, genuine tears streaming down his face, "I… I think I'm too scared to piss on myself!"

As Dante was being cornered, he gulped and said in a guilty voice, "You guys... I think I wanna buy a Hummer."

Lady and Vergil both looked at Dante like they were going to just throttle him right then and there.

"JUST WTF DID THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?"

Dante sweatdropped. "Heh, sorry..."

Barney just gave them a curious look. "Wow, you guys really can't take a joke!"

Dante Vergil and Lady turned to him, and one could swear question marks were floating over their heads. "Huh?"

A white aura surrounded the giant Barney plushie, and he shrank down to a human size, his features changing into those of… Sparda!?

The Legendary Dark Knight fixed his monocle, and stated as obvious as it could be, "You three get scared over the _weirdest_ things!"

* * *

A/N: ...Told you it wasn't going to make much sense. XD Hm, yes, as I might have hinted, I love canon-defying cameos. And I think OOC-ness is funny. Teehee.

Review, please and thank you!


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